After being married for eleven-years and two kids later, it was quite a culture shock for me to be single again. I’m sure many of you reading this can relate. I remember going to mediation and our mediator asking us “so have you thought about the parenting arrangements?” Well, not exactly … but I did hear rumors that the thing to do, especially living in Long Island, was the “every other weekend” deal. And so it was. After eleven-years and two kids, I now had every other weekend FREE. What?!? How is that even possible? What am I going to do? Who am I going to do it with?
Needless to say, at first, I was a bit overwhelmed. Being the primary caretaker for two young children, I had little, if any, time to myself. But, now that I was being thrust into this new world of being single, having every other weekend to myself was kind of like … a rebirth of sorts. Lucky for me, one of my childhood friends was also going through a divorce and we were able to coordinate our schedules so we had matching “free weekends”. What we did on those weekends is a story for another day….
The point I’m trying to make here is that even the most stressful and dire of situations often have a silver lining—if we look hard enough. If we can train our brains to focus on the positive (i.e. some much needed kid-free “me” time) and away from the negative, we may just get through this ordeal of divorce relatively unscathed. Having a few days per month to focus on only yourself can be an extremely healing process that will teach your brain to refocus on YOU and what is best for you (instead of worrying about everyone else and their needs for a change). After all, to be the best parent you can be, you need put yourself first, and recharge those batteries from time to time, right? Remember the airline safety briefing announcement??? “If you are traveling with children, make sure that your own mask is on first before helping your children….” Well, there it is! And please whatever you do, DO NOT feel guilty! You deserve some “me” time.
So the moral of this story is, even the most stressful of situations can provide us with a benefit that we never knew would be so valuable and potentially healing. Did somebody say Divorce Perk?!? Yep, I sure did….
Joelle A. Perez, Esq. Peacemaker Divorce Mediation LLC 151 West Carver Street Huntington, N.Y. 11724 (631) 897-2066 www.peacemakerdm.com
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